My wife became angry with me here recently because of how badly I had reacted to what she was trying to tell me. The more time we spent discussing the situation, the more we felt unacknowledged, unheard, misunderstood, and angry. Ever felt that way in your relationships?

In this note, two tenants of our Christian walk will be discussed. They are fairly simple, follow the “Golden Rule” (treat others the way you want to be treated), and the “Love Walk” (loving others with the God kind of love). Although simple in its purest form, it can be quite difficult to master.

1.)   GOLDEN RULE:

If we look at the “Golden Rule” in Matthew 7:12 (ESV) “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets,” Jesus commands us to treat others the way we want others to treat us. For successful communication it’s important to acknowledge, hear, understand, and conceptualize what the other person is saying. But, there have been many occasions when my wife and I were just not on the same page. Try as we might we just could not see the others point of view.

The root cause is this concept of intention vs consequences. Effective communication can quickly be sabotaged when we engage in this. The problem is we fall into this without realizing it. There is a way to bring closure by focusing on the “Golden Rule,” treating others the way we want to be treated. I mean, we all want to feel like we’re acknowledged, heard, understood, and loved, don’t we? How do we follow the “Golden Rule” when you’ve angered someone, in compliance to Jesus’ command? Here is a way:

Empathize – place ourselves in the other person’s shoes. See how the other person feels from their perspective.

• See and understand the intentions of the offending person. – Or –
• See and understand the consequences of your actions. More importantly, seek to understand how it made the other person feel.

Forgive – we all are in dire need of forgiveness. We are thankful that Jesus forgave us. When we confess our sins to the Lord He is faithful and just and forgives us all our sins, we are considered white as snow. In the same manner we need to forgive others and ourselves.

• Ask for forgiveness – Peter Bergman in his article says “When you’ve done something that upsets someone — no matter who’s right — always start the conversation by acknowledging how your actions impacted the other person.” Say “I’m sorry for how my actions (name them), or words (repeat them – if you can), have affected you.”
• Receive forgiveness – don’t beat yourself up with fear and condemnation. Let it go.
• We in turn must forgive the other person,  and blot out their offense. A picture might come up in your mind, and feelings percolate, but stand firm in your choice to extend forgiveness (this can be very difficult – but we have Jesus as our shining example on how to do it). In our minds we just need to acknowledge the fact that you have forgiven the other person, and allow the thought to take up no more real estate within your mind.

Now when the negative emotions are either on the verge of raging, or are already boiling over. This will be difficult. It might be best to call a timeout, and let things cool off a bit. Once there has been a lull, and things have cooled off, just do it. I know if I had at that time, the conflict would have been much shorter.

2.)  LOVE WALK:

Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (AMP) tells about the God kind of love. “4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. 7 Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].”

When we face tough situations we need to know that the love of God resides within us, and that doing what is documented is achievable. We are not relying on our carnal nature. Instead we are relying on God’s nature within us.

Our emotions might scream otherwise, but, God would not give us anything we cannot handle. It seems all to easy to become touchy, fretful, resentful, rude, acting unbecomingly, taking into account the suffered wrong. But, this is not the way. Meditating, feeding on, and acting on these scriptures will assist us in avoiding the pitfalls of our carnal nature.

IN CONCLUSION:

Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV) “I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

As we practice the “Golden Rule” in line with the “Love Walk” we are aiming to restore harmony, bearing one another in love in all humility and gentleness, maintaining unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace in our relationships. By adhering to the tenants of our faith, applying the “Golden Rule” and the “Love Walk” we will go a long way to achieving stable relationships, where we can feel acknowledged, heard, understood, and loved.

Bergman, Peter (2013,April 23). “What To Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry.” Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2013/04/what-to-do-when-youve-angered.html